Me too!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you bring me the toilet please
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
