this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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