dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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