thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize