remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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