I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
