8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
