Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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