i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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