If i come over, it means nothing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
