I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I cut my penus on the lid.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
