Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
