i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
