I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
