Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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