he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
