My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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