nut hugger
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
