sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
