It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
