when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
