I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
