it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
