So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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