my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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