WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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