One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
