someone get that fucking seahorse.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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