i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
