My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
