Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize