I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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