you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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