It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
