Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
