Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
