i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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