I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
