Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
