I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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