I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
