went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Never underestimate the power of titties
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
