i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
