Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
