Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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