I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
