He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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