no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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