Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
