I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
