just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
