youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
