he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
