I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
