why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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