after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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