went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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