My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
