I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
