Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My bed smells like the plague
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
