i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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