Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
