You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
