Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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