Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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