so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
