Me too!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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