I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
