you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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