We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
