My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
