i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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